L Z O A – How to BE there 4 YOUR loved one

As we walk through these trials,
we have moments of extreme joy,
extreme giggles,
and well…

other extremes…..
but those joyful ones,
ya might miss them,
they can’t be conjured on command.

If there is someone you know,

who’s in that place
I have some TIPS that might be helpful for YOU 🙂

1.LISTEN

2.ZIP IT

3.OBSERVE

4.ASK

listening helps…

gossip does not. so ZIP IT, and be someone that your friend can TRUST, totally.

Telling them how you were JUST talking about them with “so and so”

really feels awkward,

and makes you an “unsafe” person.

even IF you were “JUST” praying about them….

Gossip hurts, and maybe… just maybe, it’s something you might benefit from studying up on again.

AGAIN,

LISTENING helps.

Listening means really hearing the person.

if they say they are allergic to nuts,
it means never
ever
ever
bringing over pecan pie
or
pb&j.

it means reading labels…(observant! be a detective!)
because YOU listened.
you don’t GET to say

“I meant well”

or even

” I was only TRYING to help”

because…
you weren’t.
you were trying to do something, anything, to fill in the space of awkwardness that exists,
because
normal (your idea of Normal)
is no longer present.
The thing is,

awkward will stay,
and hurt will enter the heart,
if you don’t wake up
and welcome your loved one’s new normal.
They are coming to grips with it,
what ever IT is for them…

they are having to.

It’s the ONLY way

they will start smiling, giggling, and laughing again….

The only way they will begin living again…

and

they know…

you want that as much as they do…

So don’t go on and on about all the great things they CAN’T have anymore…(ZIP IT)

or CAN’T do anymore (ZIP IT)

don’t EVEN expect them to help YOU figure out what they CAN do…

sure you can ask. You can ask them, you can ask around, you just don’t want to be that annoying person who goes on and on and on and on, about how now “you can do this and this and this”, remember Rule #1, LISTEN… when encouraging your loved one, base all encouragement on what you have learned from THEM….

IF they matter,

if they matter to YOU

go to your library…

or look on their shelves, (observation)

and ask questions…

“which new cook book is your favorite?”

“Is this your new Mayo? Is this a safe Soy Sauce?”

“Does my perfume bother you?”

“Where did you get that ramp for your front door?”

“Want to go shopping? Should we grab your handicap sign before we go, so we can get a good spot for you?”

“you look a bit tired, all of a sudden, you want to stop for a rest? We could get an Iced Tea at that coffee shop, I am thristy, are you?” (observant)

ASK questions pertaining to what YOU are observing in them, or pertaining to their situation… Don’t just ramble on and on crazy questions, but if they have food allergies, learn about those. If they have MCS learn about that, if they have cancer or heart issues learn about the medicines they are on. For example sometimes it means they can NOT have many greens with their meals, or any broccoli at all. My family eats a LOT of broccoli, so when my mom, who has cancer comes over I try to think of another vegetable to have with our supper.

Not everyone has use off all four of their limbs. Some only have three, and the getting used to that takes time… but once they do, it can be a beautiful life. I know a wonderful man who lost a limb in an accident, he can do more things with 3 limbs than most men can do with four, and has the most wonderful fiance, the most wonderful life, he truly is a joyful man. My children adore him, he has no chip on his shoulder, he is healed. He is whole. No one need make him seem less than complete, because he is already so much more than most of us are in a lifetime.

Not all of us can eat everything that everyone else can eat, but let us be truthful, not all of us choose to eat all the glorious foods that we can, or should, or could. We narrow our choices, we limit ourselves to our favorite few, and then somehow feel awful that our friends or family can’t join us in that one or two items. When God has provided SUCH a bounty. A world of foods to explore, if only we would get creative….

Not all of us can tolerate chemicals, in fact a Susan McBride won a lawsuit in Detroit because of this very issue. According to an article written by Danny Seo “In addition to losing $100,000, the City of Detroit has been forced to also post signs banning government workers from wearing cologne, perfume, deodorant, scented lotions and from using scented candles, plug-in air fresheners and room sprays.” To which all I can say is AMEN. Sorry to the nearly bankrupted city, but thankful for the groundwork it lays for the many MCS persons out there.
READ the whole article HERE

What ever your loved ones situation, whatever their struggle, they will be blessed BY you
if you stop and LISTEN, ZIP IT choosing to be a trust worthy pal, OBSERVE their situation, their needs, THEM, and ASK questions based on what you have heard and observed…

ACT accordingly.. with LOVE and COMPASSION…
I rather figure If you read this far into the article, you’ve GOT that down pat.

Advertisements

About sweetnika

Home Educator, Loving Wife, Born again Christian, decorating, photogaphing, blogging, reading adventurer, off on an exciting new adventure!
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to L Z O A – How to BE there 4 YOUR loved one

  1. Jennifer says:

    Great post. I think everyone should read this because everyone will at some point have a friend or family member who has limitations.. I find people in general not wanting to know or hear about the bad things or rather ‘see’ them as I’m a whiner who goes on and on… I had a really bad Lyme relapse a couple of weeks ago and it has been really lonely. Some people just aren’t the friends you thought they were. My family is a lost cause.

  2. sweetnika says:

    Jennifer, I want to thank you for taking time to comment on my blog! I really appreciate the term “limitations”…. we ALL have them, some of us just hide them better than others… some of our limitations, just become MORE blarring, more OBVIOUS, more difficult to keep out of view… but every single human on this planet HAS them… and that term, is simply and beautifully put… thank you…

    because I AM limited.
    I always have been..
    I am just MORE limited today than I was before…

    and I am just more willing to admit it too 🙂
    blessings to you dear one 🙂 and hugs too !

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s